I added voice notes with me whispering the words to these 2 hymns today: “The Unseen Hand” by A. J. Sims – Learning to Live by Faith and “The Lord Will Answer Prayer” by Fanny Crosby – Learning to Live by Faith. I hope that’s helpful.

My throat is still hurting so I can’t whisper much today so I’m going to type a post. I found a video on YouTube of a sheep that was cast down. Being cast down is not exactly the same thing as immobility, but it was helpful to watch the video. It’s the same concept that a harmful energy is building up in the sheep’s system while it is laying there and it takes time for it to heal from that after it stands up. Here is the link for it: What to do if you see a sheep stuck on its back. There are Bible verses about being cast down that we can talk about some time.

As I’ve talked about in the voice notes, today was 12 years since Libby passed away. And I was talking about yesterday that it’s hard to see that everything that happened today was new…only new things were happening. I get stuck in reliving days from the past. So I noticed the times today that I was going through the day as if it was Monday, January 20, 2014 instead of Tuesday, January 20, 2026. As the hours were passing on the clock, I was over there in the apartment reliving that day…I was over there in my mind, I mean. I think part of the reason I do that is so that you don’t have to feel the separation. It still feels like 2014 to me, so I don’t have to feel the pain of the separation from Libby. But if you stop the tape in your mind right before something painful happens, you end up constantly reliving that pain. If you can go through the healing process, then the pain can resolve…it can heal. But I didn’t have the tools growing up to know how to go through a healing process about a lot of things. So you just push emotions aside or stuff them down. But then they end up bubbling up again, especially on anniversaries of when things happened. So I tried to catch myself today when I was reliving the past…and remind myself that Libby wasn’t passing away again today. I was just missing her today. I was here in this house…remembering what had happened. It wasn’t happening again. And that helped. So I’m trying to use the healing tools I have now to heal from things that happened before…and I’m trying to use them on a daily basis to process daily events…and hopefully all of that unprocessed energy won’t build up again. What I’m learning is that stressful or painful things are going to keep happening, but I can make it through it differently now than I did when I was little and didn’t have the tools to process what was going on. I’m also trying to connect to the positive energy that is here in the present and let those negative feelings dissolve like I was talking about in yesterday’s voice note.

Note: When I was reading through this post, I noticed a typo where I had typed the year as 20214 when I was saying that I was living today as if it was Monday, January 20, 2014 instead of Tuesday, January 20, 2026. And I think that is what year I am in: 20214…twenty twenty-one fourteen. Or 202612 twenty twenty-six twelve. The years are blended together for me. I’m not sure if I’m in the past or present. I’m going to keep working on updating to 2026.