Voice Note:

Transcript: [00:00] Okay, so I’m still having this flare-up of E-O-E and I still don’t have my voice, so…I’m still trying to get breakthroughs. The other day when I was talking about, I think I was talking about how my brain takes in information. I used the word influx. And, it made me think of the word reflux. So, the way that my mind takes in information If you’re a highly sensitive person, if you’re a neurodivergent, then you’re just taking in all of the information. Other people have a filter. Or they’re filtering out a lot. In my mind, it doesn’t filter it out. It just takes in everything. And that’s how your system can get overwhelmed with too much information. as I’m trying to get my thoughts together and work through this imagery to see if there can be a breakthrough and what you’re supposed to have is influx It’s like the intake of something and then processing.

So it’s like influx and efflux. E-F-F-L-U-X But if you influx and reflux, then the information is not processing through. And I guess I should have started by saying that I’m having a lot of trouble with acid reflux. Um during this flare up. And You’re trying to learn the language of your body and work through any of these underlying causes like that. So…If you think of that and influxing and then refluxing…reflux itself can be caused by even if you don’t have an autoimmune condition if you fill your stomach up too much the food will reflux out of it. So that’s…

It goes with how my brain works. If it’s just too much information gets taken in and it’s too much to process, so you’re refluxing or What it made me think of is It was partially with how my mind worked. I was taking in too much information and then also I didn’t have the tools to process events as they were happening over life, so I didn’t know how to meditate. I didn’t really know how to process the day. What um I would do is I would you would separate off from things. So, anything…What it made me think of was if there’s anything that’s going to change your life in a direction that’s painful or just isn’t something that you were wanting to have happen, kind of just block it out. Okay, that didn’t happen. And try and keep going.

That’s that. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can energy that just kept going. Kept going. Kept going. Until you reached the end of the road with that and I got sick and then that was when I started learning about how to meditate.

So, let me try and get my thoughts together. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, up until I was 16, you were in that go-go-go mentality where you were taught…Not to listen to your body or not to get those messages, but just to make yourself go out on stage. Just keep going. But my body was breaking down over the years until it crossed that threshold into where I had chronic illnesses, and what I would do after that was to start, you know, trying to find out what was wrong and why I had gotten sick and then the answers were learning about meditation and Learning the language of your body and how to listen to those warning signals. So. I’m trying to get past, well I guess what would happen with the influxing and refluxing is you kind of just wouldn’t let something affect you. You would have to push it to the side and say, I’ll have to deal with that later. Get through the day right now. And you’re kind of putting all of that energy into this tank, like an energy tank. It’s that…unprocessed energy there.

[05:00] And. I made it through life like that until I was 16, and again, I’ve done well for 12 or 13 years…until something has connected with that energy tank of all of that unprocessed stuff that just, you know, okay, can’t deal with that right now. I’m going to dissociate and just have to pretend like that didn’t happen and keep going. I think in a lot of ways the only way that I knew how to make it through the day was just by pretending that it had gone differently than it did. when you get to the point where you can’t um… you have to process the fact of how things actually went. So again, I hope I’m making sense here because this is the energy that I’m trying to work with that just kind of stops my brain and it’s really hard for me to put words with it. What I learned after I got sick, I learned more about prayer and meditation and those are actually the ways we’re supposed to spend time processing the day. The way that I would pray before I got sick, it would be like, What I knew of prayer was to make prayer requests and pray for people

that were sick, or pray for healing, pray about specific things going on like that. I didn’t know as much that you’re supposed to pour your heart out before God and be talking to Him about all of these things. And that supposed to spend probably like 30 minutes to an hour a day, at the end of the day just really trying to process through how things actually happened.

There’s some imagery we can work with with that. There’s several different ones. Again, it’s that energy tank for everything that just had all of your feelings about something. Or Just blocking things out and putting it into that tank. And again, that works until something happens that opens that or connects with that energy.

So, that’s making it where I’ve got to try and work through that energy. some of the imagery about learning how to acquiesce to God’s will, how to submit to God’s will. First of all, it helps in learning about his sovereignty and all that he’s doing, all that he’s working out for us. The plan of salvation. That’s what I was talking about in my last post about this process that’s going on as he’s…bringing people into the church, all the living stones, all of these processes going on, you really Get that sense that God’s in control of everything. There’s a purpose with everything that happens. It helps to know that. And it really just helps to know that God can help you. He wants to sit down with you and process through these things for you. So maybe you had something happen that you didn’t want to process. Or didn’t want it to affect you. That could be like, you know, my parents had gotten divorced or something like that. I didn’t process that at all at the time. Just kind of trying to say that didn’t happen. I’m going to have to just keep going. Things like that. But God wants to sit down with you and help you process through them. One way you can kind of get that process going is There’s a pastor named William Gurnall, and he had a sermon series that’s extremely powerful about the…Christian in complete armor, the armor of God. I think he was a preacher in the 1600s. He was talking about something else but I got this imagery from it. He was talking about something where everything used to be written out or typed out. And they would be trying to make a copy of a manuscript. And they would have to write another copy by hand.

[10:00] And when they were proofreading it, If there was an error in the copy, you would change that to conform it to the original rather than changing the original to match the error in the copy. I’m not sure what he was talking about at that part of it, but you can see how it goes that we’re supposed to conform to the image of Christ. He’s not conforming to us, we’re conforming to him. And then… It just made me think…of…Sometimes he’ll say something and then I think of a different imagery that works. It gets your mind going where you can think of other imagery also. It made me think of journaling. One thing they recommend to process your day, which can be really helpful, is journaling. You write out the events of the day. It can just kind of help you process it just to write it down. Then it got me thinking about what if you did an exercise where you had the two columns, and you wrote out what you had hoped was going to happen that day, and then wrote out what actually did happen that day. If you try it, you’re going to have things…you’re going to see what you were hoping to have happen that day. You write out what happened. You’ll find both things that happen that maybe were painful that you didn’t want to have happen. Then you also have unexpected things that happen that were good that you wouldn’t have thought of. And, oh, this happened. I didn’t know that was going to happen, but that was not painful. You can just get your mind working towards being able to take in new information again. If you can see…Just trying to get it open to seeing what happens.

As you start to feel that confidence in that God knew the day was going to happen this way. And again, you’re just working with the events. And then you just list out the events. You can start to contemplate what his purposes were in that. Not all of that’s going to be revealed to us. Okay, I see. You just start.

Trying to see what God’s process was. And learning about it reminds you what you’ll learn in the Bible is that God works…He can work everything together for your good…Which doesn’t mean that only pleasant things are going to happen to you. He works through the painful things also. The things that you’re trying to keep from affecting you because you’re concerned that they might overwhelm you or shut you down. Maybe they’re too painful to process. If you give him that energy tank and let him start sorting through it with you. That’s what I’m trying to get going with that process of giving that energy to him and trusting that he’ll lovingly work through it with you.

There was one imagery from a book by Francis Havergal.

I’m not sure if I’m pronouncing her last name correctly, but she wrote, take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee.

She’s written many very beautiful, very powerful hymns. She wrote this book going through that hymn, Take My Life and Let It Be. and somewhere in there she was talking about how what we have to do is Hold our moments like the moments of our life. Hold them in our hands. You hold them out like you would hold a prism. P-R-I-S-M, like a prism up to the light and let light shine through it. See it at different angles. See if you can see something different in that moment. She might have said they hold them out like they’re diamonds. It was some kind of gemstone that you hold out and let light shine through it.

So you can start to see light sparkling on it differently, and maybe it’ll reveal something there that you couldn’t see before. Just get a little bit of expansion in the view of it. So, hold those moments out before God. Hold that energy tank out before him. As again, it’s all this unprocessed stuff that you may not be able to remember even what it was. If you’ve blocked it out, it may be too much to try and remember. Just work with the energy itself. See if you can get it flowing in a different way.

[15:00] So there’s the imagery of that, of the writing out the two different columns and We need to match to God’s will. So we’re conforming to His will. Conforming to His image.

trusting in his sovereignty and trusting in his providence.

Then you can take your moments and hold them out to let him shine the light on them to help you see it differently.

It also made me think of the hymn, Have Thy Own Way, Lord.

Have thy own way, Lord. Have thy own way. You are the Potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me after thy will, while I am waiting, yielded and still. I hope I said those words right. You can see that God’s shaping you. He’s conforming you to the image of Christ and he works through things that are painful and he works through things that are pleasant. He can work through anything and he can work it all together for your good and for his glory. So again, oh wait, there was one other image that I got. that it was like…It’s really interesting how they talk about, in these older commentaries, they compare the work of the Holy Spirit at regeneration, when a person is saved, um to the work of creation when the Spirit hovered over the waters, hovered over the deep and brought…you know, created everything out of that. The new man is a new creation, so it’s saying that the Spirit hovers over in your soul and forms a new creation out of that. And I saw an image just today when I was trying to work with that energy of a dove over that energy tank. And. I think what it means is remembering that God’s the creator. He’s going to make all things new. He can bring something out of that. He’s the Potter. He can shape it. He can rework it for you. and help it process up so that you can get out of that influx-reflux cycle. I think it was John Ball. He has a book about meditation. I can’t remember what.

century, he was preaching in. But I’m He was, uh… he was saying that in meditation. Meditation is digestion. We’re supposed to meditate on the Word of God, so you read through it, and then…You meditate on it. You’re digesting it. You’re processing what you’ve heard. And. Again, that energy tank is just unprocessed energy. And we’re I’m asking God to help me process that, try and digest it, instead of influxing and refluxing. You’re trying to go through that process of digesting the information, processing it, sorting through it. So that you’re not having to live separated off from what happened. Because when, like the problem that I’m finding with that is you’ve blocked out these painful things so you’re not in the present moment you’re separated off um and you get to that point where you can’t take in any new information…because you’re living frozen in time. So if you update to the present moment, it’s jarring because of what’s going on. You haven’t processed what happened with your parents…or illness or not being able to finish school and anything that brings that into your awareness is jarring to you. So you have to stay in this frozen state. So, again, I appreciate you listening. I hope it helps anybody that has the same thing going on. I’m really hoping for a breakthrough here. Where you can just have that flowing energy because there’s so much imagery there in the Bible in the verse that I was quoting in the previous voice note from 1 Peter 2 was talking about they’re supposed to yearn for the pure milk of the Word. And so, you know, I’ve got that burning going on in my esophagus. That’s your food tube and you see that um just trying to get that healing like if you drink that healing milk that milk of the word um If you meditate on that, it really can help in soothing and healing. I’ve had a flare-up in the past. When I have flare-ups, I can get a breakthrough, and then I heal really quickly. So I’m really hoping that’s what’s going to take place here. And again, I appreciate you listening, and I hope you found it helpful.