I have been writing on here about the Polyvagal Theory – fight, flight, and freeze – and about how I am trying to get out of immobility….a prolonged freeze state. Today I am going to be writing about running the Christian race – fighting the fight of faith. We have been working with this Polyvagal chart PVChartv10q.pdf, which shows activation and deactivation. I also found a chart at this link recently What is Polyvagal Theory? | Polyvagal Institute. It shows the 3 principle states: Immobilized would be red on the first Polyvagal chart, Mobilized would be yellow, and Relaxed would be green. It also shows that there are blended, hybrid states. We have been learning about the difference in our heart rates and breathing rates when we are mobilizing and immobilizing in safety and when we are mobilizing and immobilizing in the midst of threats. Our defensive responses of fight, flight, and freeze are intended to help us when we are faced with threats like if an animal was threatening us…if we looked out the window and saw a tiger standing there; or if there was a flood or a storm or you saw that something was falling towards you or if you were being physically attacked. But these responses can get triggered by emotional threats, too. And if you have experienced chronic stress, you might never have fully deactivated from the Squiggle of Trauma to be able to live on the Squiggle of Life. The Squiggle of Trauma, which I wrote about in my last post, is when you are stuck in a fight-flight-freeze loop and go back and forth between the red and yellow without ever getting into a relaxed state. If you have been stuck in that loop for a long time, your system will be overwrought. It would be like if someone had been running from a tiger that was chasing them and just had to keep running and running without taking a break – they would be overwrought…exhausted. And if the only time they stopped running was when the tiger was catching up to them so that they had to stop and hide while the tiger was looking around trying to find them…they would not be rested. And once the tiger got far enough away, then they would have to start running again. But the tiger kept chasing…and the person would stay on the Squiggle of Trauma – the fight-flight-freeze loop. So that’s what it feels like to be on the Squiggle of Trauma. On the Squiggle of Life, which alternates between green and yellow, most of the time you are in that relaxed green state on the second Polyvagal chart. If you need to mobilize in safety you feel energetic, active, playful, and motivated. If you need to immobilize in safety you feel blissful, dreamy, tranquil, meditative. If there is a threat…we’ll use the tiger example…you could start running, and then maybe be able to hide where the tiger couldn’t find you. The tiger would run away and it would be safe for you to return to relaxed daily living mode. The threat would be completely resolved in a relatively short amount of time, and life would return to normal. That’s what it feels like to be on the Squiggle of Life. Here is a chart I drew of the 2 Squiggles:

I have been living on the Squiggle of Trauma. I am still learning how to heal from that. If your nervous system has been stuck in that loop of fight, flight, freeze for a long time, it is hard to know how to heal…it’s hard to know what would help. These are invisible injuries to our emotional beings. I did not have the tools or resources to know how to treat those types of injuries when I was growing up, but thankfully I know about them now and am trying to use them. With a visible injury, like after someone has had knee surgery and their knee is really swollen, it might seem like you shouldn’t move it. But they tell you it’s actually very important to move it in certain ways. And they send the person to physical therapy where they will get specific exercises that show them how to move their leg in a way that will not injure them, but will actually help the knee heal. So, if they did not move their knee at all after the surgery, it wouldn’t heal correctly. But if they move it the wrong way, it will injure it. And if they pretended like their leg was not hurt…like they hadn’t had surgery…and just kept walking on it…it wouldn’t heal at all. But that is all we know to do with invisible injuries – pretend they are not there, and keep going like nothing happened. But they don’t heal that way. But, like I said, I didn’t know how to “move” them without making it worse. Thankfully there are techniques that we can use to work with that energy, like titration which takes things in steps. And sometimes the first step is visualizing…working with imagery…just being able to envision yourself moving around…mobilizing without activating that dysregulated energy.

Sometimes it helps to think of what you would do if you saw this happening to someone else instead of yourself. If I saw someone who had been experiencing that fight-flight-freeze loop while running from the tiger and had only been able to alternate between fleeing and freezing, I would make a safe space for them…a refuge. We would walk inside that safe room and I would say, “You’re safe now. Here, sit down. Try to breathe.” And I could talk that person through the deactivation process. And that’s what we’re going to have to do to our own nervous systems, too.

I heard an explanation of the freeze state recently that I thought was interesting. It was in one of Tim Fletcher’s YouTube videos about trauma. He said that for children who are in stressful circumstances that they cannot escape, the freeze state is when they flee into the safety of an internal world. So…if they cannot escape circumstances in their outer world, they flee to an internal world.

Maybe a day or two after I heard that explanation, I was reading a sermon by G. Campbell Morgan called “The Fight of Faith” http://articles.ochristian.com/article14204.shtml and he used the phrase “flee, follow, fight.” This is a very important way to think of things and can help us with getting a new way of processing things. It can help us see our lives in terms of running the Christian race. Martyn Lloyd-Jones preached a very powerful sermon series about spiritual depression that can help us with envisioning what the Christian race will be. He was talking about depression, or discouragement, in your walk with God. He said that spiritual depression stems from wrong expectations of the Christian life. We do not expect it to be a battle. But it is a continual warfare…spiritual warfare against sin and the powers of darkness in the spiritual realm. The imagery we can use for the Christian race is the imagery of that pathway we are walking on with our Good Shepherd…the pathway that leads us home to heaven. What Martyn Lloyd-Jones was talking about is that when Christians envision that pathway, we often try to picture it without any hardships. I think I thought when I was little that once I was saved, then life would get easier. In certain ways it does – you are getting to walk with God. You get to experience His amazing grace. But Jesus has taught us in the scriptures to expect hardships on the pathway to heaven. One thing Martyn Lloyd-Jones emphasizes is that we need to know that we have an enemy: Satan. We also need to know that we have a Savior and a Guide: Jesus. We must call on Jesus for help. We must walk with Him. Here are some verses about this:

8Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:8-10 NIV)

21When they had preached the gospel to that city and had made many disciples, they returned to Lystra and to Iconium and to Antioch, 22strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God. (Acts 14:21-22 ESV)

33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV)

I will write more about the Christian race in future posts. Right now, you can start by envisioning that pathway. The pathway leads over hills and through dark valleys…but it leads all the way to heaven. There will always be another step on that pathway until you get home to heaven safely. You will surely reach the goal. The Christian race is not competitive. You are not running against, or competing against, anyone else. You are running home to heaven on the pathway God has laid out specifically for you. And you must keep the faith. You must stay on the pathway and follow Jesus all the way home. There will be trials you must endure trials and tests of your faith. Satan will be trying to draw you away from God. You could envision Satan as a roaring lion…prowling around seeking someone to devour. This will give an image to threats your mind is already picking up on. Your mind scans the visible world, but you also have a sense of the spiritual world…you can see those things with an eye of faith. Now try to use the instructions Morgan gave…when you sense a spiritual threat, you are supposed to flee from it…flee from evil…and run to Jesus for help. Then follow…follow Jesus on that pathway. And fight the fight of faith. Stand firm in the faith. Flee evil, follow Jesus, and fight the fight of faith. I will write more in future posts about putting on the armor of God and fighting with heavenly weapons.

The phrase “flee, follow, fight” makes me think of all of the hymns and Bible verses that talk about God as being our refuge and hiding place – an ever-present help in times of trouble. As Tim Fletcher said, the freeze state is when you flee to an internal world for safety. In certain ways, it can be ok and helpful to have an inner refuge to flee to. Then we can know that we have another option…another way to manage the stress…if we are experiencing a chronic stressor that cannot be resolved. We can work on forming that imagery…building an inner refuge with Jesus there with us…helping us. Here are some hymns you can use in your meditation time as you begin to work with this idea of an inner refuge. The hymn “Jesus, the Ark of Safety” by Rev. J. P. Daugherty – Learning to Live by Faith talks about fleeing to Christ the Ark for safety. “Hide Thou Me” by Fanny Crosby – Learning to Live by Faith asks God, the Rock of Ages, to hide us in Him. “Close, Close to Thee” by Fanny Crosby – Learning to Live by Faith talks about fleeing to the cross and fleeing to Christ for strength. One hymn that you have probably heard before that would be really helpful to listen to is “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God” by Martin Luther; Translated by Frederic Henry Hedge – Learning to Live by Faith. It talks about how God is a mighty fortress of refuge for us. We need that refuge because “still our ancient foe (Satan) does seek to work us woe; his craft and power are great, and armed with cruel hate, on earth is not his equal.” The second verse talks about how we cannot fight Satan in our own strength. We must call on Jesus for help. And with Jesus helping us…protecting us…we will not fear.

To summarize what we have been talking about in this post…I am still learning about how to go through the deactivation process. Fight, flight, and freeze are helpful defensive responses that we will always need to use at times. But if you have been stuck on the Squiggle of Trauma in a fight-flight-freeze loop, your system will be overwrought like the person that was running from the tiger and only stopped when they were hiding. Spend some time visualizing what it would be like for that person to have a safe refuge to go to where they could sit down, rest, and recover. If we can learn how to do that, then our systems will have time to heal and repair before having to face another threat…so we will not already be exhausted when we go into the yellow or red. And we will develop resilience if we are able to activate and deactivate quickly and without as much stress. So…instead of always only running or freezing and hiding, envision times of having to run or hide and then times of resting and recovering…and then feeling restored and refreshed before having to face another threat. You can also spend time starting to visualize the Christian race. Envision that pathway leading to heaven. It leads through much tribulation. Remember the instructions G. Campbell Morgan gave us, “Flee, follow, fight” and practice visualizing fleeing to Jesus for safety. See God as your refuge, your fortress, your hiding place. You are safe in His care. He will lead you all the way home to heaven.